Of Ants, baby powder and Check Lists.

I began this blog thinking that I wanted to explain in some words how amazingly different our lifes were the last months in Pretoria with a beautiful baby and how incredibly our life has changed again moving not only material things but moving our lifes and souls from continent to continent.

But I can´t and well I am a strong believer that when you start writing if you can´t continue is because is not coming from the heart...so here I am again sitting in Tilburg,Netherlands in my family in law house clinging to one of the only things that keeps me mentally healthy which is to write. Somehow in the middle of that limbo called travelling and landing in your next home writing seems to allow me to put things on perspective or at least for a while while my fingers type frantically in my laptop.

My first need: Make a check list of the things I miss and not miss from South Africa. Is incredible how a country which at the beggining felt so threatening now feels so much home...even more than Colombia which I left two years ago. Is in fact that place that I got so used to that I already was becoming a tourist guide for visitors, that I was proudly talking to our son of five months of how beautiful the country he was born is, and that I learned how to move around so swiftly that my life seems weird not knowing again which streets to take, how to dress for each season, and where to go to have lunch with my best friend Pao.How am I supposed to not miss South Africa if it was what I knew for two years and even though is still not the safest place in earth it did feel stable..and stability is a luxury that I am craving for?

We had an ant infestation...this is literally an ant infestation in our flat before leaving...in fact I think the ants are actually missing us. Anyway, we tried everything until the lady who helped us with our flat came with her local knowledge and explained casually that they fight ants with baby powder. I would have loved to take a picture of my surprised and almost reluctant face. Still I tried and to my surprise we kicked out the ants out of the bathroom...not so lucky with our non wanted visitors in the kitchen hence every night we had the ritual to put some baby powder and vinagre which seemed to work at least to not have thousands walking around. So here I am missing the ants, missing the battle every day with our baby powder and missing the place I called home there.

Suddenly I am back in normal and almost perfect transport system, I am having wonderful walks with Benjamin feeling safe in the street, having 24 hour internet, watching tv with more than 4 channels that  transmit only for the 45th time since we  were there Terminator 1.  But I miss my favourite soap opera: Rhythim City, and I miss listening to Jacaranda Radio Station every day. I miss the jacarandas as a matter of fact with their beautiful blooming purple and I miss that I knew exactly what shops had and  where. I miss watching rugby and cricket and not be stared at as if we are people from another planet. And I definetly miss the beauitful sunsets, the amazing nature and animals around you. And definetly, I miss the brave Elvira I became after two years there confronting insecurity, gated houses, not going out in the night much and being one of those weird peoples who survived and had fun in South Africa with no car.

I have friends here and my family in law is here in Netherlands..still I feel that I left again my family in South Africa...this time not composed by uncles and cousins but from people from my job, from TLF(Berend`s job) and the small latin american community that clings to each other in a wonderful way making you feel home and aided inmediatly. A small family which I don´t have here or at least not yet and which I believe it won´t be easy to find. Nothing like our small corner of the world where we latins and Colombians had landed for different reasons but so small in numbers that we know each others names.

I am respected here as a new mom and as a woman, things are made to help people, museums, culture, activities so many things going on that is overwhelming and nothing compared to the lack of cultural life in Pretoria. I got easily registered in a Dutch crash course, something I could not do in South Africa and the bycicle as a way of moving around is just amazing. Love the beautiful canals, tulips, and global city that is Amsterdam but I miss me...I miss the Elvira that could communicate in two languages( Spanish and English) and now is struggling every day to understand her husband with his family speaking of anything and how tired she it is to practice Dutch hearing news when all she wants is to sit and see a nice American Comedy. I miss the Elvira that was taken into account because of her achievements and habilities, and could stablish easily good relations and not only be talked for 5 minutes and then left aside to continue the conversation in Dutch.

Some people call me brave. I think it all comes again to God. He has the power and He is the one who gives me the energy,patience, impulse and love to wake up every day, take care of Benjamin, teach him about this country but not forgetting South Africa as his place of birth and Colombia as his own country, speak to him in Spanish so he learns three languages, love and help Berend, organize a house and try to learn Dutch. In the middle of all this, kind people come and ask: "so how was South Africa?" and suddenly my life after two years is resumed in two or three sentences...sigh...adaptation begings again...well..maybe the baby powder that we shipped will help for something here...

Trying to Adapt, Trying to Adapt and Yes, Trying to Adapt!

There. I click send. That is my next attempt to find a job in a foreign country that now I call home. Is a new issue for me. I have never really looked for a post before. Being a teacher came as a recommendation from my sister and I was immediately hired and from then on 10 years later I was teaching and I have been a volunteer as long as I remember, I applied before to other jobs but I was in the comfort zone of having an income. I call it the syndrome of “Convincing Yourself while Convincing Others.” I decided to convince myself that looking for a job is a way to convince others that I am doing something. But I discovered that I am doing something. People ask me over and over again what am I doing here in Tshwane, Pretoria, South Africa And I proudly tell them that I am busy…that well I am volunteering, I am teaching some hours Spanish, I am writing and reading when in my mind I am saying...well…I am trying to adapt…and trying to adapt and oh yes trying to adapt. Yes, a job sounds good but does anyone know except probably expats and students aboard how much energy is spent every single day trying to acclimatize to a country?

How can you explain that “busy” when you are in another country which is not yours means that now you are in charge of a home, that takes all the energy of the world to create social networks and even assisting to social events when you are still struggling with accent and the fact that people speak apart from English and Afrikaans other ten languages?(And I thought I spoke a lot of languages…yeah whatever!) How can you define “trying to adapt” as a 24 hour shift? Well it is.

Lets start with the basic: going shopping. Sounds fun right? Yes. If you know where you can buy things and what things to buy. But finding the right shop, the correct prices, the precise food, budget analysis, security issues, scrutiny of which ones look close enough to the ones you used back home and deal with the frustration of finding that some of them don’t even exist in this country takes hours. “How can you expect me to survive without the shampoo I used in Colombia?” I say to Berend with almost tears in my eyes and he answers, “It’s a mystery.” And yes. Is a mystery because I have been able to survive without that and without many things I thought were basic but boy it is like I have been working for 120 hours per week!

Is like reading the newspaper. I used to read the newspaper every day. So I started buying it here. Bad idea. It has so many horrifying stories that it feels like I am reading a tabloid and just increased my fear in 200%( El Espacio for those in Colombia). Hence I had to change that routine. Now I read a web page that chooses the main news of South Africa (which unfortunately still include terror stories but not so much) and I read the newspapers from my country. So instead of having my breakfast with the newspaper, I have coffee with the computer. It makes a good combination but I miss having the newspaper delivered to my door and jump in bed on Sundays and read it without having to turn my computer on. That adds other 100 hours!

We are proudly still in love with each other completely but dealing with a bicultural marriage in a culture completely different from ours is a whole project. As an example we both love watching movies but finding movies when you live downtown has been a whole quest. Many of the films come from and Nigeria, which for our taste are not the best, and many of them have a whole spectrum of violence. If we want to buy some other type we have to go by car to a bigger and nicer shopping mall and both of us don’t even remotely like cars or even enjoy driving! So we are “using” our friend’s volunteers from the foundation to move us around while we…okay…while Berend gets more confidence driving. Me…well…I am trying to understand the fact that people drive on the right side…and not feel completely panicked when someone turns thinking they are going the wrong way!

I have done fun things, I have learnt how to play African Drums, we have been to Soweto Gospel Choir, as part of TLF (Tshwane Leadership Foundation) we were involved in the Feast of the Clowns. I was in charge of the main desk in the 20.000 people event and joined the Counter Trafficking Campaign against Human Trafficking and the New Debate about Homelessness. I have been to movies, to eat out (finally we had Chinese food it was a whole thing finding a Chinese Restaurant, not so much again around down town), invited friends over, made friends, went playing board games for a weekend near Krugesdorp, been to the zoo, been to museums. But I also have been sick for over four weeks. Some kind of virus and infection in my throat and my body, have I said this before? Trying to adapt!

Every day that seems 48 hours has its ups and downs. Over and over sending my CV, making calls, writing to the friend of someone, going to the places to hear or read over and over again: we will contact you if there are posts or we will contact you and well sometimes nothing happens. Even the day of the main event of the Feast of the Clowns I had to take care of a child whose mother had left him in charge to his 12 years old sister who decided to leave him alone in the middle of 20.000 people. We later found out that the mother was completely alcoholic.

It is how it is. I have a life here. Trying to Adapt. I am now learning to take it slowly. That is also a big effort. I have always worked, studied and volunteered at the same time. For the first time God has given me the possibility to be able to only be a volunteer and read as much as I want and even write as much as I want. Is difficult to teach yourself to be calm when I have worked many days in Colombia from 6 in the morning to 11 in the night. Is a permanent learning, a permanent teaching from God and life. Faith has increased in amazing levels in me because here everything is very fragile and nothing is for sure so you can only depend on God. We have good conversations and prayer seems even and even more the best option.

We are heading to our third month here. And trying to adapt is becoming more and more as Adapted! Still so much to learn and assume. But now I am proudly looking for Chutney at the supermarket and have for snack biltong in our cupboard. I will probably start driving in some weeks…

PLANE, STATUS QUO AND VUVUZELAS

30.000 kms away or more in Colombia I used to think that the plane theory applied to me completely but know here in Pretoria in South Africa( or now known as The City of Tshwane) I learn every day that life and God has surprises around the corners ready to be discovered and mark you forever. The plane theory says that if there is an emergency you put the oxygen mask first; you help yourself before you help others. However landing in Tambo International Airport in Johannesburg a month ago with a temperature of 4 degrees and arriving in a very humble but friendly house of volunteers made me realize how easy is to disturb the status quo. The question was and will always be: Do I want to disturb mine? Coming from the comforts of my home in Colombia to not having anything else but our bags, knowledge and mutual love with my husband was the hardest thing I have ever been through. I said good-bye to people and things I love and every single day I have tears in my eyes remembering one person or another. But at the same time my status quo was that…a status quo…and a turbulence called love changed my life transforming futile my own comfort, my own self, my own oxygen and put my whole life in perspective in a different and far away country.

Every single day I deal with the dichotomy that my spirituality teaches me that Christ was able to be content working with poor and homeless and not have anything while at the same time I find the need to have a safe clean and nice home for my recent marriage. And every single day I handle thousands of feelings between admiration, surprise, frustration, happiness, and lessons from God, wonderful reflections from Berend and by life itself. On one side I think highly of woman here. Wiser than many, they carry their children close to them until they are capable of walking creating I think a sense of security in children which makes them look very happy and protected. At the same time they carry three bags, a blanket and maybe something in their heads due to the fact that poverty makes people change of housing all the time and all they can carry is their home. Women have power positions like the Mayor of Pretoria but I also have observed the extremely quietness of some woman in contrast of my own outspoken personality as a result of a still very chauvinist society which makes men hardly have business with woman apart of being maybe a wife or someone pretty to look and harass at if not the be affected by family violence and have to fled from their own husband or boyfriends. Even worse, see young girls sold to prostitution, having suffering from sexual violence loose their own capacity to believe in themselves and their smile.

On the other hand amazingly happy children but at the same time with stern faces that represent the fact that they have to survive with poverty and their own families suffering. Amazing sunsets and sunrises are with me everyday in a beautiful city that has the amazing characteristics of the African continent but garbage is still an issue and the still not so sure how to define terrible sound of vuvuzelas (huge horns used in the stadiums) which people carry around happily as a way to show happiness and cars competing to have the biggest stereo don’t allow me to sleep well. At the same time incredible people spiritually connected to God and amazingly hopeful to change the city and the world are my first official network here and have received me as part of their organization all though I am only a volunteer.( TLF-Tshwane Leadership Foundation).

We even had to put in stand by some of our values. Always proud that we used public transportation and bicycles to move around and never liked the car because is one of the worst elements responsible of Global Warming…now we have to have a one to have a social life and do something after dark. And due to those uncomfortable roaches, every single time wash dishes, which implies more soap into the environment and more use of water, still can you trust God? Why not? When you have nothing of the comfort you had back home and you are surrounded by 5 different languages, in a completely strange, complex and not so safe city and all your knowledge and experience is not enough because everything you are is tested day by day there is no other option but to have a blind faith that somehow things will be okay.

Life goes on…and we are on that train...this city gets you…one day you love it and one you hate it. I am starting to teach Spanish, help in TLF with educational process and other activities while Berend is being an Advocacy Advisor and more due to all his previous experiences…meanwhile as people say here Sharp Sharp (Everything okay) !