Trock, Trock, Trock…that is the sound of the bags with
wheels. Very familiar to me, not only because of the endless trips and hours in
the airports but because now under my window in Amsterdam, I hear them
constantly; tourists and people on their way to travel or on their way home.
This noise reminds me of the charm of going into new quests but for months it
represented my worst fears: separate from my husband, break my family apart,
and be far away from what I have built.
Because of regulations, I had to leave Berend behind again.
We had separated for three months and now again I was heading away from him
across the Atlantic. It doesn`t matter how afraid I am of flying or how nice
was to see family and friends again. It just didn`t feel the same with my husband
in the distance.
Having to deal with paperwork, with this endless feeling of
insecurity and with exhaustion because of stress made me go to undiscovered
territory in my emotions. Suddenly I was this nerve breakdown woman angry with
the world, I felt like fighting with everyone and everything but inspite of
that I still couldn’t go back home. Ulyses in The Odyssey fought with the gods
and the world…and for that reason he was punished and couldn`t go back to his
island for 40 years having to confront horrible monsters and trials. Suddenly I
was like Ulyses in my boat trying to get back to Berend. Thousands of obstacles
continuously appeared and the more I tried the less I could take a plane back.
Not that I was fighting with God, I was more like asking constantly: Why? But
of course God was busy with more important things like protecting Benjamin
while he learned to walk or taking care of Berend in the distance and me and my
family and friends while I was in Colombia.
So what happened with the monsters and trials. Well, I had
no other choice but tackle them. Constantly I saw messages, probably sent by
God saying that there are mountains and difficulties and there is nothing else
but to confront them..and the way we deal with them defines us. Well I was kicking
and pouting..probably not the best approach but I learned from all this that
scenarios are everywhere…even those worst ones..but at the end…even if there is
no victory…you were brave enough to look at them at in their eye and just start
the fight.
