What I have learned today December 1st,  2018.( Soon to be 46 years old).


The end of the year is coming soon and somehow feels like  a milestone. I guess after this I will soon be the furthest away from being young and  officially stepping closer into the senior world. I am not afraid of it. I just wished I had the wisdom I had when I was 20. Would have made my life so much easier back then but  hey...I would have missed the fun of learning right?

Here is what I have learned and what you can expect from me now...

1. Kindness is not weakness. I  have noticed this much more being in Netherlands. Dutch are strong in character and in manners. I have chosen kindness in many ways over not saying Hello or not smiling or not helping if needed. I have chosen to be kind to everyone around me including those that ignore me or treat me wrong. Is not that I am weak. I actually chose it. And because is a choice means sometimes can be difficult and sometimes I want to or I am as rude and hurt others as they  have hurt me but I believe that kindness is what we need in this world...more than arrogance, intelligence or position.

2. Always leave doors open. This relates exclusively for Business and Volunteer positions. Ever since we got married I have had to move here and there. Adapting, giving my best to where I am and then having to say good bye. I have been blessed with most of my managers. One exception. The rest have become friends and mentors. As I am naturally loyal( Loyalty is also not weakness) I have doors open in places I worked before and where I volunteered. I cherish my ex managers, my colleagues...all those that shared with me my business life or my volunteer life. As for the rest...toxic people, those that hurt you with intention, those that don't want to  like you as you are or simply don't take the time for you...those doors can be kept closed.

3. Marriage is not easy but definitely fun and comfortable: I have been married for almost 10 years. Of those years we have had harsh ups and downs. I have wanted to run away to feel free then the next moment  I know could never live without my husband and so on. We are completely different in many ways, we can talk for hours but we can fight for hours...difference makes it never boring, common grounds makes it very fun and laughter is what keeps us going strong.

4. Family is THE most important thing. Having moved around there were moments when you don't have much with you and I have  to confess that I felt overwhelmed in many cases and my faith was very thin. However, only when I hold my son with me or I when I am  in the arms of my husband or I have a nice talk with my mom is when I could feel the balance. Nothing compensates the fact to go home and have someone waiting for you.

5. Have fun. Life is too short to stay in places where you are not welcomed or feel miserable every day. Try to enjoy what you do, enjoy the happiness and success of others, help others, volunteer...believe me..the energy I get by doing this is amazing.

6. Write. The best therapy. When I write I feel an immediate feeling of focusing. The hyperactive mind I have seems to calm down only when I write.

Finally...dance..always dance and never stop. This is of course related to the Have Fun Part...and if your husband dances like mine..even better.

Getting ready for next year...

8 years later...

18th of June 2009. This  is when we left Colombia...

11:30 pm in Amsterdam. I just came out of the movies and my tram passes in front of Anne's Frank house or her hiding place for some years as her real home was Southern in the city. I feel privileged. I have freedom that she only experienced for a short time. The sound of the carrillon on the Westerkerk that scared her family so much welcomes  me to write again. Recently I passed the  8 year mark of having left Colombia. I was beginning to write... celebrate... is it a celebration? Or is a commemoration... I think both.  The moment I stepped on that plain that took me to South Africa I lost me... or sort of. Has been 8 years of redefining me in the middle of harsh moments or amazing moments. Has been trials to keep my essence of  taking care of others when all around tells me to be harsher and just be selfish. Has been moments when I want to run back but now I ask run back to where...

After 8 years home is feeling this: The known sounds of the tram, metro and bus that I take every day. The smell of fritjes in the air. Wanting an ollieboellen in December to fight the dark month. The parents of Benjamin's friends at school becoming closer to what I call friends.My book  club as part of my social life where I found friendship in one of my favourite hobbies. My family in law feels my family and close friends are even closer in my heart.

I still volunteer, have my own small company in the weekends, work full time and  I am a mom and wife  but still I can sometimes give me the pleasure of Netflixing. I am dancing, having  dinner with friends, going on dates with Berend....

Hasn't been easy though... struggling every day with office politics and finding myself around in Dutch culture. I am Dutch now but sometimes feels I am far from integrated and other days I am surprised how no longer things surprise me of the culture and I embrace them with understanding and even with a sense of pride. Surprisingly sometimes to the point of defending it when someone says something not true of my second country.

Is hard to explain to the outsider. Being in Europe is considered  a dream. Most visitors and friends ask me if I am happy... and I can't really answer that question. My answer is I am living life... in a country that was not mine but is starting to feel like that. Is life with its ups and downs... sometimes with an incredible nostalgia of Colombia or South Africa. Is life watching your child grow without that huge family circle I grew in but having close friends that replace  them.  Is life being away from the people you love but starting to open your heart to people here and is missing Colombian food or even South African dishes but eating Dutch food and loving it. Is life as what most people do around the world... going to work, paying bills, preparing for holidays. 

At the end what keeps me going is expressed  in a song I love...in Spanish. " La fuerza de hacer todo a pulmon" And the strength to do all with your lungs...with you all your breath...intensely and even dramatically...Here I am...ready for more years to come...

Trying to Adapt, Trying to Adapt and Yes, Trying to Adapt!

There. I click send. That is my next attempt to find a job in a foreign country that now I call home. Is a new issue for me. I have never really looked for a post before. Being a teacher came as a recommendation from my sister and I was immediately hired and from then on 10 years later I was teaching and I have been a volunteer as long as I remember, I applied before to other jobs but I was in the comfort zone of having an income. I call it the syndrome of “Convincing Yourself while Convincing Others.” I decided to convince myself that looking for a job is a way to convince others that I am doing something. But I discovered that I am doing something. People ask me over and over again what am I doing here in Tshwane, Pretoria, South Africa And I proudly tell them that I am busy…that well I am volunteering, I am teaching some hours Spanish, I am writing and reading when in my mind I am saying...well…I am trying to adapt…and trying to adapt and oh yes trying to adapt. Yes, a job sounds good but does anyone know except probably expats and students aboard how much energy is spent every single day trying to acclimatize to a country?

How can you explain that “busy” when you are in another country which is not yours means that now you are in charge of a home, that takes all the energy of the world to create social networks and even assisting to social events when you are still struggling with accent and the fact that people speak apart from English and Afrikaans other ten languages?(And I thought I spoke a lot of languages…yeah whatever!) How can you define “trying to adapt” as a 24 hour shift? Well it is.

Lets start with the basic: going shopping. Sounds fun right? Yes. If you know where you can buy things and what things to buy. But finding the right shop, the correct prices, the precise food, budget analysis, security issues, scrutiny of which ones look close enough to the ones you used back home and deal with the frustration of finding that some of them don’t even exist in this country takes hours. “How can you expect me to survive without the shampoo I used in Colombia?” I say to Berend with almost tears in my eyes and he answers, “It’s a mystery.” And yes. Is a mystery because I have been able to survive without that and without many things I thought were basic but boy it is like I have been working for 120 hours per week!

Is like reading the newspaper. I used to read the newspaper every day. So I started buying it here. Bad idea. It has so many horrifying stories that it feels like I am reading a tabloid and just increased my fear in 200%( El Espacio for those in Colombia). Hence I had to change that routine. Now I read a web page that chooses the main news of South Africa (which unfortunately still include terror stories but not so much) and I read the newspapers from my country. So instead of having my breakfast with the newspaper, I have coffee with the computer. It makes a good combination but I miss having the newspaper delivered to my door and jump in bed on Sundays and read it without having to turn my computer on. That adds other 100 hours!

We are proudly still in love with each other completely but dealing with a bicultural marriage in a culture completely different from ours is a whole project. As an example we both love watching movies but finding movies when you live downtown has been a whole quest. Many of the films come from and Nigeria, which for our taste are not the best, and many of them have a whole spectrum of violence. If we want to buy some other type we have to go by car to a bigger and nicer shopping mall and both of us don’t even remotely like cars or even enjoy driving! So we are “using” our friend’s volunteers from the foundation to move us around while we…okay…while Berend gets more confidence driving. Me…well…I am trying to understand the fact that people drive on the right side…and not feel completely panicked when someone turns thinking they are going the wrong way!

I have done fun things, I have learnt how to play African Drums, we have been to Soweto Gospel Choir, as part of TLF (Tshwane Leadership Foundation) we were involved in the Feast of the Clowns. I was in charge of the main desk in the 20.000 people event and joined the Counter Trafficking Campaign against Human Trafficking and the New Debate about Homelessness. I have been to movies, to eat out (finally we had Chinese food it was a whole thing finding a Chinese Restaurant, not so much again around down town), invited friends over, made friends, went playing board games for a weekend near Krugesdorp, been to the zoo, been to museums. But I also have been sick for over four weeks. Some kind of virus and infection in my throat and my body, have I said this before? Trying to adapt!

Every day that seems 48 hours has its ups and downs. Over and over sending my CV, making calls, writing to the friend of someone, going to the places to hear or read over and over again: we will contact you if there are posts or we will contact you and well sometimes nothing happens. Even the day of the main event of the Feast of the Clowns I had to take care of a child whose mother had left him in charge to his 12 years old sister who decided to leave him alone in the middle of 20.000 people. We later found out that the mother was completely alcoholic.

It is how it is. I have a life here. Trying to Adapt. I am now learning to take it slowly. That is also a big effort. I have always worked, studied and volunteered at the same time. For the first time God has given me the possibility to be able to only be a volunteer and read as much as I want and even write as much as I want. Is difficult to teach yourself to be calm when I have worked many days in Colombia from 6 in the morning to 11 in the night. Is a permanent learning, a permanent teaching from God and life. Faith has increased in amazing levels in me because here everything is very fragile and nothing is for sure so you can only depend on God. We have good conversations and prayer seems even and even more the best option.

We are heading to our third month here. And trying to adapt is becoming more and more as Adapted! Still so much to learn and assume. But now I am proudly looking for Chutney at the supermarket and have for snack biltong in our cupboard. I will probably start driving in some weeks…