Of surviving that first year.

I only showered at 4:00 pm before my husband came back from the office.

This was my routine for the first 4 months after I left Colombia very much in love to live with my husband in South Africa. This was 2009. Now I am living in Netherlands since 2011. Eight years have passed since I took a plane out of Colombia.

They said I could read a lot as I love reading. Didn't have the energy to read. They said I could write as I love writing, what could I write about..feeling so lost...

I considered myself a Global Citizen. I had the privilege of travelling over 20 countries before, had been several months in Canada, I was an open person to adventure or that is what I thought.

We landed in South Africa on June 2009 in winter there. 4 degrees welcomed us and suddenly we were taken to a supermarket to see what we needed...do we need something right now? I asked my husband. Going into a supermarket can be the most challenging thing you can do landing in a new country. In spite there are brands you know and recognize everything feels new, things you think are similar to what you know are not...and of course...if it happens...I had to start shopping in Dutch two years later with hardly the language.

I felt overwhelmed. New country, the moving and adventure soon settles in into routine, security issues in South Africa are very high so leaving the house was challenging, not one but 11 or  new languages being spoken in the street, volunteering was almost impossible and getting a job even more. My marriage started to suffer the consequences.

Suddenly things changed:

I got offered a two week position in the Embassy of Argentina. I said yes immediately. I had a reason to get out of the house. We discovered new Shopping Malls. I joined my husband every Friday and whenever possible in the Activities in the Foundation he was working. We started enjoying the spectacular nature of South Africa, we met friends, we started having a life.

Same thing when we landed in Netherlands two years later and starting over again with one difference as we had a child and going out was important. One month of feeling lost, one month of feeling lonely and nostalgic wanting to run away back to Colombia. But things changed.

How did I survive starting over again two times.

1.  Went out. Staying locked in a country you don't know is tempting but you will never get to know your surroundings and feel at ease. Go out as much as you can even if it rains terribly like here in Netherlands. You can meet people, you can see what activities are in your neighborhood and very quickly starts feeling almost home.

2. If you are like me look for a job. Even a volunteer job. I am one of those persons that need to work.I can imagine myself being terribly rich and still going to work. I can not honestly picture myself in the times of Downtown Abbey when all you did was spend your day in the sitting room...

3. Look for common groups. In my case in South Africa the Foundation was close enough to what the YMCA was for me in Colombia. In Netherlands I belong to a group called Amsterdam Mamas.

4. Ask around. We always asked people what to do or where to get things. We got very good tips in South Africa of beautiful parks or restaurants. Ask, ask, and ask...don't be ashamed. In Netherlands we couldn't put my son in day care so we asked and we got offered an amazing play group where I met moms from around the world that are now my friends.

5. Start learning the language. In South Africa most people speak English, but Afrikaans was another, and Zulu was another etc. Saying a few words in other languages made it easier to have friends in South Africa. In Netherlands makes you have self confidence as speaking Dutch is already challenging itself.

6. Be patient with new friendships. New friendships may take a while( still working on mine in Netherlands). You will find that you may meet someone and think there is a connection and the turns around the person never talks to you again..or you may find a friend for life. Being part of the international community means also that you may need to say good bye...many times...and also that they will be saying good bye to you. Is painful, time consuming and exhausting. But sometimes in the process of making friendships you find wonderful people and feel welcomed.

7. Take a step at a time. Is not a day at a time..is a step. There will be days...where everything feels bad, out of place, not integrated enough, where all you want to do is eat your own food, have a hug and be with the people you love. There are other days that you feel that home is where you are right now. And there are days with both. So I have learnt to take steps. See how it goes, every day, every moment. If I am feeling low I grab some good comedies and let myself watch for hours laughing here and there. Or if I am feeling nostalgic maybe go to a Colombian restaurant. If I am feeling strong, look for courses that attract me and maybe  even be brave enough to go to them with my Dutch that is not so bad but can be better level.

8. Do what you love. In my case reading, writing, movies, expositions, dancing and  a nice dinner in a restaurant. Honor what you love so you respect it. Don't negotiate it. This is what fills you with energy and if you don't do it you will find yourself completely overwhelmed. I am also someone who needs some time alone. Take that time. Take those moments to spoil you.

I have this phrase over my desk from the movie Brooklyn.

"You'll feel so homesick that you'll want to die, and there's nothing you can do about it apart from endure it. But you will, and it won't kill you. And one day the sun will come out - you might not even notice straight away, it'll be that faint. And then you'll catch yourself thinking about something or someone who has no connection with the past. Someone who's only yours. And you'll realize... that this is where your life is."