Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Trying to Adapt, Trying to Adapt and Yes, Trying to Adapt!


There. I click send. That is my next attempt to find a job in a foreign country that now I call home. Is a new issue for me. I have never really looked for a post before. Being a teacher came as a recommendation from my sister and I was immediately hired and from then on 10 years later I was teaching and I have been a volunteer as long as I remember, I applied before to other jobs but I was in the comfort zone of having an income. I call it the syndrome of “Convincing Yourself while Convincing Others.” I decided to convince myself that looking for a job is a way to convince others that I am doing something. But I discovered that I am doing something. People ask me over and over again what am I doing here in Tshwane, Pretoria, South Africa And I proudly tell them that I am busy…that well I am volunteering, I am teaching some hours Spanish, I am writing and reading when in my mind I am saying...well…I am trying to adapt…and trying to adapt and oh yes trying to adapt. Yes, a job sounds good but does anyone know except probably expats and students aboard how much energy is spent every single day trying to acclimatize to a country?

How can you explain that “busy” when you are in another country which is not yours means that now you are in charge of a home, that takes all the energy of the world to create social networks and even assisting to social events when you are still struggling with accent and the fact that people speak apart from English and Afrikaans other ten languages?(And I thought I spoke a lot of languages…yeah whatever!) How can you define “trying to adapt” as a 24 hour shift? Well it is.

Lets start with the basic: going shopping. Sounds fun right? Yes. If you know where you can buy things and what things to buy. But finding the right shop, the correct prices, the precise food, budget analysis, security issues, scrutiny of which ones look close enough to the ones you used back home and deal with the frustration of finding that some of them don’t even exist in this country takes hours. “How can you expect me to survive without the shampoo I used in Colombia?” I say to Berend with almost tears in my eyes and he answers, “It’s a mystery.” And yes. Is a mystery because I have been able to survive without that and without many things I thought were basic but boy it is like I have been working for 120 hours per week!

Is like reading the newspaper. I used to read the newspaper every day. So I started buying it here. Bad idea. It has so many horrifying stories that it feels like I am reading a tabloid and just increased my fear in 200%( El Espacio for those in Colombia). Hence I had to change that routine. Now I read a web page that chooses the main news of South Africa (which unfortunately still include terror stories but not so much) and I read the newspapers from my country. So instead of having my breakfast with the newspaper, I have coffee with the computer. It makes a good combination but I miss having the newspaper delivered to my door and jump in bed on Sundays and read it without having to turn my computer on. That adds other 100 hours!

We are proudly still in love with each other completely but dealing with a bicultural marriage in a culture completely different from ours is a whole project. As an example we both love watching movies but finding movies when you live downtown has been a whole quest. Many of the films come from and Nigeria, which for our taste are not the best, and many of them have a whole spectrum of violence. If we want to buy some other type we have to go by car to a bigger and nicer shopping mall and both of us don’t even remotely like cars or even enjoy driving! So we are “using” our friend’s volunteers from the foundation to move us around while we…okay…while Berend gets more confidence driving. Me…well…I am trying to understand the fact that people drive on the right side…and not feel completely panicked when someone turns thinking they are going the wrong way!

I have done fun things, I have learnt how to play African Drums, we have been to Soweto Gospel Choir, as part of TLF (Tshwane Leadership Foundation) we were involved in the Feast of the Clowns. I was in charge of the main desk in the 20.000 people event and joined the Counter Trafficking Campaign against Human Trafficking and the New Debate about Homelessness. I have been to movies, to eat out (finally we had Chinese food it was a whole thing finding a Chinese Restaurant, not so much again around down town), invited friends over, made friends, went playing board games for a weekend near Krugesdorp, been to the zoo, been to museums. But I also have been sick for over four weeks. Some kind of virus and infection in my throat and my body, have I said this before? Trying to adapt!

Every day that seems 48 hours has its ups and downs. Over and over sending my CV, making calls, writing to the friend of someone, going to the places to hear or read over and over again: we will contact you if there are posts or we will contact you and well sometimes nothing happens. Even the day of the main event of the Feast of the Clowns I had to take care of a child whose mother had left him in charge to his 12 years old sister who decided to leave him alone in the middle of 20.000 people. We later found out that the mother was completely alcoholic.

It is how it is. I have a life here. Trying to Adapt. I am now learning to take it slowly. That is also a big effort. I have always worked, studied and volunteered at the same time. For the first time God has given me the possibility to be able to only be a volunteer and read as much as I want and even write as much as I want. Is difficult to teach yourself to be calm when I have worked many days in Colombia from 6 in the morning to 11 in the night. Is a permanent learning, a permanent teaching from God and life. Faith has increased in amazing levels in me because here everything is very fragile and nothing is for sure so you can only depend on God. We have good conversations and prayer seems even and even more the best option.

We are heading to our third month here. And trying to adapt is becoming more and more as Adapted! Still so much to learn and assume. But now I am proudly looking for Chutney at the supermarket and have for snack biltong in our cupboard. I will probably start driving in some weeks…

Friday, July 24, 2009

PLANE, STATUS QUO AND VUVUZELAS


30.000 kms away or more in Colombia I used to think that the plane theory applied to me completely but know here in Pretoria in South Africa( or now known as The City of Tshwane) I learn every day that life and God has surprises around the corners ready to be discovered and mark you forever. The plane theory says that if there is an emergency you put the oxygen mask first; you help yourself before you help others. However landing in Tambo International Airport in Johannesburg a month ago with a temperature of 4 degrees and arriving in a very humble but friendly house of volunteers made me realize how easy is to disturb the status quo. The question was and will always be: Do I want to disturb mine? Coming from the comforts of my home in Colombia to not having anything else but our bags, knowledge and mutual love with my husband was the hardest thing I have ever been through. I said good-bye to people and things I love and every single day I have tears in my eyes remembering one person or another. But at the same time my status quo was that…a status quo…and a turbulence called love changed my life transforming futile my own comfort, my own self, my own oxygen and put my whole life in perspective in a different and far away country.

Every single day I deal with the dichotomy that my spirituality teaches me that Christ was able to be content working with poor and homeless and not have anything while at the same time I find the need to have a safe clean and nice home for my recent marriage. And every single day I handle thousands of feelings between admiration, surprise, frustration, happiness, and lessons from God, wonderful reflections from Berend and by life itself. On one side I think highly of woman here. Wiser than many, they carry their children close to them until they are capable of walking creating I think a sense of security in children which makes them look very happy and protected. At the same time they carry three bags, a blanket and maybe something in their heads due to the fact that poverty makes people change of housing all the time and all they can carry is their home. Women have power positions like the Mayor of Pretoria but I also have observed the extremely quietness of some woman in contrast of my own outspoken personality as a result of a still very chauvinist society which makes men hardly have business with woman apart of being maybe a wife or someone pretty to look and harass at if not the be affected by family violence and have to fled from their own husband or boyfriends. Even worse, see young girls sold to prostitution, having suffering from sexual violence loose their own capacity to believe in themselves and their smile.

On the other hand amazingly happy children but at the same time with stern faces that represent the fact that they have to survive with poverty and their own families suffering. Amazing sunsets and sunrises are with me everyday in a beautiful city that has the amazing characteristics of the African continent but garbage is still an issue and the still not so sure how to define terrible sound of vuvuzelas (huge horns used in the stadiums) which people carry around happily as a way to show happiness and cars competing to have the biggest stereo don’t allow me to sleep well. At the same time incredible people spiritually connected to God and amazingly hopeful to change the city and the world are my first official network here and have received me as part of their organization all though I am only a volunteer.( TLF-Tshwane Leadership Foundation).

We even had to put in stand by some of our values. Always proud that we used public transportation and bicycles to move around and never liked the car because is one of the worst elements responsible of Global Warming…now we have to have a one to have a social life and do something after dark. And due to those uncomfortable roaches, every single time wash dishes, which implies more soap into the environment and more use of water, still can you trust God? Why not? When you have nothing of the comfort you had back home and you are surrounded by 5 different languages, in a completely strange, complex and not so safe city and all your knowledge and experience is not enough because everything you are is tested day by day there is no other option but to have a blind faith that somehow things will be okay.

Life goes on…and we are on that train...this city gets you…one day you love it and one you hate it. I am starting to teach Spanish, help in TLF with educational process and other activities while Berend is being an Advocacy Advisor and more due to all his previous experiences…meanwhile as people say here Sharp Sharp (Everything okay) !

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Saying yes!


One small decision can change your life. Or a big one. All I know is that not going to Prague as I had planned after the celebration of the five years of the Third Chamber in April 2008 in order to know Berend Brock much more, made me say yes to change my plans without hesitation. Made me be brave enough to spend an extra weekend with him in Netherlands and Belgium. And now wonderfully almost a year after, saying yes to a life together.

Is the first Third Chamber wedding (www.thethirdchamber.org) Two people from different cultures: Berend, being Dutch as much as he can be...and me...being Latin and Colombian as much as I can be. Both incredibly independent but stubborn. Both incredibly world citizens but very proud of our countries. Now a new culture is beginning. A Colombian-Dutch-World Culture. We both are willing to bring to our marriage the best of our cultures, and import those things that we have discovered in our travels and we think are amazing. We even are willing to bring those things that are not so easy for each other to turn them into what we are going to call home.

Proudly we can affirm that the celebration of Saying Yes went quite well. We invited everyone by Internet to save trees. A barbecue in my family’s farm in a beautiful region of Colombia called Ubate (or the capital of milk) was the welcoming for the 95 guests. We had people from everywhere. Dutch family, Dutch friends, Aleyda from The Third Chamber, French Friends, Italian friends, family and friends from work, YMCA, and friends that are there after years and years. We broke protocol. I received the guests in a nice suit...and Berend came later with me opening the door for him. At 14:00 hours I escaped to get ready in my white dress and Berend had a last minute decoration issues. We head to the chapel of the farm. We got married in the Catholic ritual. Tears in my eyes and tears in Berend’s eyes. Even tears in everyone’s eyes. Our vows are full of love, promises and gratitude for each other’s love and we say them in three languages and Berend’s father who passed away two weeks ago was in our hearts and in our words.

Tears again when a letter from my brother who lives in Australia and couldn’t come is read surprisingly by one of my cousins. We leave the chapel and instead of flowers...everyone throws bubbles and the party begins. We dance "Brabant" and " Que bonita es la vida". We eat Colombian desserts instead of the formal cake and we danced until very late combining karaoke in Dutch, English and Spanish. The Dutch and Colombian flag are part of the dance...and then we go to our wedding night in a beautiful colonial hotel.

Saying yes feels just amazing. I am saying yes to a new life. I am saying yes to a life of commitment with the man I love. Saying yes is assuming God’s will to marry in his name. Saying yes even implies saying no to being alone, to take decisions only for myself. Saying yes includes stepping into a new world called South Africa. But most of all Saying yes is accepting love completely in my life.

I can only say I recommend it. Marrying...saying yes...it is worth it. As the priest said to us...in a world where love is cynical…stories like Berend`s and I is a prove that love does exist. He was able to cross the ocean for me...and I am willing to follow him wherever he goes. Is love and for that reason is worth it.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Ice Skates vs Gaza



January 11,2009 on Amsterdam News: Ice Skating, where can you ice skate, the canals are frozen how many ice skates were sold, the minister broke an arm skating, the 11 city tour( ice skating around different cities) oh and by the way there is a conflict in Gaza!

This is one of those defining moments when you clearly understand that you are in another culture, in another country in another reality. Colombia has more news every day than two years in New Zeland and when I saw ice skating news apart from laughing I enjoyed the fact that I was for the first time in many months away from conflict and political issues from my country. That is exactly how you know you have crossed the barrier of development and underdevelopment. When you hear news and the news change of intensity, change of importance and changes priorities. I was in Netherlands for over a month, I was in a developed country, I was living the dream of many people to go to Europe but was it an aspiration still for me?

I have been going to Netherlands for the past six years and I have always been in the comfortable arena of an international group,staying in hotels, eating in nice restaurants and enjoying the culture staying with some friends in their home but always as an observer and never as someone who now for sentimental reasons has to adapt quickly to another culture. But do I really have to adapt to it?

Suddenly my level of English which has helped me in my volunteer job for many years around the world wasn`t good enough to stablish realationships further than a hi, hello and how long are you staying in Netherlands. Making friends suddenly is not easy because inspite people constantly tell you that you can survive in Netherlands with only English if you want to establish real links it takes time and hardly can be done with the scarce 50 words or more I know in Dutch. Is learning Dutch or choosing to stay quiet for hours seing people around you laugh and have fun and you having no clue at all at what they are talking.

This visit included encounters such as the guard in the door of a public international building who inspite my efforts of saying a name in the difficult Dutch pronunciation and showing the name, and even doing mimics to establish communication I was sent off with a: " You are the one who should know Dutch and learn how to say things!"And even had a bus driver who inspite he was late, it was freezing outside and all the circumstances showed him guilty didn`t want to be flexible enough to let me in the bus and I would have to wait for over an hour more if it wasn`t for the nice boy who gave me a chair! This is the moment when Europe stops being glamorous. This is the moment when is your reality and not a holiday and you start seing things as they are.

I see a continent which inspite has agreements as amazing as the European Union still makes it difficult to move around even if you are national of one of the countries. No discounts apply away from the border of the country you are born, trains don`t work exactly the same across the nations, conditions such as a safe road in the middle of an orange alarm of snow change from one side of the path to the other and there is a long road to go for a continent that promotes freedom, openess and multiculturalism to be ready for foreigners, imigrants and other cultures.

It all lies in those two questions: Do I have to adapt and Is still a dream for me? Yes. Of course I have to adjust. I have to do it in order to understand more the man I love and be able to raise if we we ever have our children with our two worlds wonderfully mixed. I do have to accomodate but at the same time I kept having this feeling that actually Europe and specially The Netherlands is closing more and more to foreigners and even though some of us are willing to habituate oneself as much as possible in this society it will become harder and harder.

And a dream for me? What can I say. I love the museums, transportation, travel, the amazing and beautiful cities, how sometimes people can be wonderfully flexible like the culture I come from and even ice skating. How free time, family and not competition is part of society. How culture is around and so many things even the silence you sometimes hear when you are in a small town, hardly possible in a country like Colombia that has 40 million people. I loved the Efteling, Frankfurt,The Ardennes, being in a house with 18 people playing games. I loved New Year in Nieuwmarkt in Amsterdam, walking around in a sunny but freezing Tilburg, Rotterdam, Den Hague, Delft and its lights and even there is much more to discover in Utrecht. I loved going around small towns in Belgium, walking in Paris and knowing Lille and Remagen. Still is hard. Going from the observer to the companion of a wonderful man who comes from a completly different culture than mine is not easy.

Still there is more to come. I will start soon dealing with color..and color will become an issue for me for the first time. I will deal with the fact that people will see us a mixed couple and not as a couple in love. I will be not only having a multicultural relation but far away from all the things I love. Culture adaption seems forever but I am very willing to continue it. Still takes lots of you and people who are taking or willing to take all the risks to be with the person they love, or to fulfill their dreams to make their families life easier, or those who want to study abroad deserve to be seen as brave people. Those are the lessons from this trip. Ice Skating and Gaza, culture and language, adapting and not adapting.