Of surviving that first year.

I only showered at 4:00 pm before my husband came back from the office.

This was my routine for the first 4 months after I left Colombia very much in love to live with my husband in South Africa. This was 2009. Now I am living in Netherlands since 2011. Eight years have passed since I took a plane out of Colombia.

They said I could read a lot as I love reading. Didn't have the energy to read. They said I could write as I love writing, what could I write about..feeling so lost...

I considered myself a Global Citizen. I had the privilege of travelling over 20 countries before, had been several months in Canada, I was an open person to adventure or that is what I thought.

We landed in South Africa on June 2009 in winter there. 4 degrees welcomed us and suddenly we were taken to a supermarket to see what we needed...do we need something right now? I asked my husband. Going into a supermarket can be the most challenging thing you can do landing in a new country. In spite there are brands you know and recognize everything feels new, things you think are similar to what you know are not...and of course...if it happens...I had to start shopping in Dutch two years later with hardly the language.

I felt overwhelmed. New country, the moving and adventure soon settles in into routine, security issues in South Africa are very high so leaving the house was challenging, not one but 11 or  new languages being spoken in the street, volunteering was almost impossible and getting a job even more. My marriage started to suffer the consequences.

Suddenly things changed:

I got offered a two week position in the Embassy of Argentina. I said yes immediately. I had a reason to get out of the house. We discovered new Shopping Malls. I joined my husband every Friday and whenever possible in the Activities in the Foundation he was working. We started enjoying the spectacular nature of South Africa, we met friends, we started having a life.

Same thing when we landed in Netherlands two years later and starting over again with one difference as we had a child and going out was important. One month of feeling lost, one month of feeling lonely and nostalgic wanting to run away back to Colombia. But things changed.

How did I survive starting over again two times.

1.  Went out. Staying locked in a country you don't know is tempting but you will never get to know your surroundings and feel at ease. Go out as much as you can even if it rains terribly like here in Netherlands. You can meet people, you can see what activities are in your neighborhood and very quickly starts feeling almost home.

2. If you are like me look for a job. Even a volunteer job. I am one of those persons that need to work.I can imagine myself being terribly rich and still going to work. I can not honestly picture myself in the times of Downtown Abbey when all you did was spend your day in the sitting room...

3. Look for common groups. In my case in South Africa the Foundation was close enough to what the YMCA was for me in Colombia. In Netherlands I belong to a group called Amsterdam Mamas.

4. Ask around. We always asked people what to do or where to get things. We got very good tips in South Africa of beautiful parks or restaurants. Ask, ask, and ask...don't be ashamed. In Netherlands we couldn't put my son in day care so we asked and we got offered an amazing play group where I met moms from around the world that are now my friends.

5. Start learning the language. In South Africa most people speak English, but Afrikaans was another, and Zulu was another etc. Saying a few words in other languages made it easier to have friends in South Africa. In Netherlands makes you have self confidence as speaking Dutch is already challenging itself.

6. Be patient with new friendships. New friendships may take a while( still working on mine in Netherlands). You will find that you may meet someone and think there is a connection and the turns around the person never talks to you again..or you may find a friend for life. Being part of the international community means also that you may need to say good bye...many times...and also that they will be saying good bye to you. Is painful, time consuming and exhausting. But sometimes in the process of making friendships you find wonderful people and feel welcomed.

7. Take a step at a time. Is not a day at a time..is a step. There will be days...where everything feels bad, out of place, not integrated enough, where all you want to do is eat your own food, have a hug and be with the people you love. There are other days that you feel that home is where you are right now. And there are days with both. So I have learnt to take steps. See how it goes, every day, every moment. If I am feeling low I grab some good comedies and let myself watch for hours laughing here and there. Or if I am feeling nostalgic maybe go to a Colombian restaurant. If I am feeling strong, look for courses that attract me and maybe  even be brave enough to go to them with my Dutch that is not so bad but can be better level.

8. Do what you love. In my case reading, writing, movies, expositions, dancing and  a nice dinner in a restaurant. Honor what you love so you respect it. Don't negotiate it. This is what fills you with energy and if you don't do it you will find yourself completely overwhelmed. I am also someone who needs some time alone. Take that time. Take those moments to spoil you.

I have this phrase over my desk from the movie Brooklyn.

"You'll feel so homesick that you'll want to die, and there's nothing you can do about it apart from endure it. But you will, and it won't kill you. And one day the sun will come out - you might not even notice straight away, it'll be that faint. And then you'll catch yourself thinking about something or someone who has no connection with the past. Someone who's only yours. And you'll realize... that this is where your life is."

PLANE, STATUS QUO AND VUVUZELAS

30.000 kms away or more in Colombia I used to think that the plane theory applied to me completely but know here in Pretoria in South Africa( or now known as The City of Tshwane) I learn every day that life and God has surprises around the corners ready to be discovered and mark you forever. The plane theory says that if there is an emergency you put the oxygen mask first; you help yourself before you help others. However landing in Tambo International Airport in Johannesburg a month ago with a temperature of 4 degrees and arriving in a very humble but friendly house of volunteers made me realize how easy is to disturb the status quo. The question was and will always be: Do I want to disturb mine? Coming from the comforts of my home in Colombia to not having anything else but our bags, knowledge and mutual love with my husband was the hardest thing I have ever been through. I said good-bye to people and things I love and every single day I have tears in my eyes remembering one person or another. But at the same time my status quo was that…a status quo…and a turbulence called love changed my life transforming futile my own comfort, my own self, my own oxygen and put my whole life in perspective in a different and far away country.

Every single day I deal with the dichotomy that my spirituality teaches me that Christ was able to be content working with poor and homeless and not have anything while at the same time I find the need to have a safe clean and nice home for my recent marriage. And every single day I handle thousands of feelings between admiration, surprise, frustration, happiness, and lessons from God, wonderful reflections from Berend and by life itself. On one side I think highly of woman here. Wiser than many, they carry their children close to them until they are capable of walking creating I think a sense of security in children which makes them look very happy and protected. At the same time they carry three bags, a blanket and maybe something in their heads due to the fact that poverty makes people change of housing all the time and all they can carry is their home. Women have power positions like the Mayor of Pretoria but I also have observed the extremely quietness of some woman in contrast of my own outspoken personality as a result of a still very chauvinist society which makes men hardly have business with woman apart of being maybe a wife or someone pretty to look and harass at if not the be affected by family violence and have to fled from their own husband or boyfriends. Even worse, see young girls sold to prostitution, having suffering from sexual violence loose their own capacity to believe in themselves and their smile.

On the other hand amazingly happy children but at the same time with stern faces that represent the fact that they have to survive with poverty and their own families suffering. Amazing sunsets and sunrises are with me everyday in a beautiful city that has the amazing characteristics of the African continent but garbage is still an issue and the still not so sure how to define terrible sound of vuvuzelas (huge horns used in the stadiums) which people carry around happily as a way to show happiness and cars competing to have the biggest stereo don’t allow me to sleep well. At the same time incredible people spiritually connected to God and amazingly hopeful to change the city and the world are my first official network here and have received me as part of their organization all though I am only a volunteer.( TLF-Tshwane Leadership Foundation).

We even had to put in stand by some of our values. Always proud that we used public transportation and bicycles to move around and never liked the car because is one of the worst elements responsible of Global Warming…now we have to have a one to have a social life and do something after dark. And due to those uncomfortable roaches, every single time wash dishes, which implies more soap into the environment and more use of water, still can you trust God? Why not? When you have nothing of the comfort you had back home and you are surrounded by 5 different languages, in a completely strange, complex and not so safe city and all your knowledge and experience is not enough because everything you are is tested day by day there is no other option but to have a blind faith that somehow things will be okay.

Life goes on…and we are on that train...this city gets you…one day you love it and one you hate it. I am starting to teach Spanish, help in TLF with educational process and other activities while Berend is being an Advocacy Advisor and more due to all his previous experiences…meanwhile as people say here Sharp Sharp (Everything okay) !